FLASHBACK INVITATION
The Universe has a great sense of humor. I believe that in life, we are given exactly what we need at exactly the right time. There is an entire story behind this special gift.
I am quite private about the personal journey I have been on with horses through my life. I am becoming more vulnerable in this area, as I realize it is my purpose in this lifetime, so I will share this pivotal invitation with you.
I was headed out for a trail ride with Flash. We have frequented the trail with me on foot and Flash following behind, and we have ridden out with Flash in the lead and other horses from our barn closely behind. Today, it was Flash and I, and I was going to ask him to carry me solo through the woods.
We headed out on the road, with me on foot, to get to the trail. I quickly sensed Flash was nervous and uncomfortable being the only horse. He called for his friends on 3 different occasions headed to the trail. Once we got to the trail, I led him to a log so I could climb aboard. He shifted anxiously around the log and was clearly not in acceptance.
I ignored the invitation to take more time, follow the new path, the path that says listen to your heart and not your head.
The invitation, that says stop reacting with the old conditioning or programming you have been taught by others, society, and yourself, to force the situation. I quietly threw that invitation into the bushes, jumped on, and Flash and I were anxiously off for our walk in the woods.
I could feel how unsettled he was and attempted to ease his anxiety by focusing on my breath, the relaxation in my body, and reassuring him with my voice. The trouble is, I ignored the first invitation and, in all honesty, probably an invitation or two before even attempting to get on.
I did not build confidence or trust, and Flash still allowed me to jump on with all of his trepidation. We rounded a corner, and he could see the new path we were on all alone. He stopped. Flash did not want to embark on the new path without a herd member or without me leading.
This was outside of his comfort zone, so he stopped and had no plans of carrying on.
I made comical attempts riding with my head, as I have always done in my well-worn path. I attempted to “trick” him. He stopped, so I backed him up. I thought to myself, “Brilliant: if I move his feet I am in charge, and if he moves his feet he is in charge.” He stopped his feet from moving forward, so I will move them backward.
This has worked with numerous horses in various settings throughout my life, but Flash, well he is here to teach me to be better. So he backed, and backed, and backed. Now he was backing his feet, and I could not get him to go forward or stop him from going backward. He was clearly in charge.
He backed us into a grove of ferns where he decided he would like to show me who is in charge of his feet. He stood in the grove of ferns and proceeded to paw at the ferns with his right front leg first, and when I said “that is enough”, he proceeded with his left front leg next. This is one of Flash’s clear signs of communicating frustration and feeling overwhelmed.
So, I sat quiet and focused in on my breath, but it did not take long for my patience to leave.
I decided to continue my “trickery” and tried another one: I turned Flash 180 degrees and headed back in the direction of home: the familiar path. He willingly obliged and moved his feet rather quickly. I took that momentum and attempted to turn him around. This trick has worked previously with other horses, but Flash was made from a different mold —one in which trickery will not prevail.
He stopped his feet and bent himself nearly in half, but would not turn around. I straightened him out again. This time, I tried on the good old" “impatience and force” technique: I used all 115 pounds of me to kick, pull, and flail around while attempting to be the one in command of my 1,400 pound partner.
This lasted no more than a minute before I was embarrassed with my Neanderthal approach to my very wise teacher.
It was then that I put all of the pieces together: The fear that set in at the start of leaving the Barn and out of his comfort zone, the fear that continued to build when I climbed on his back and asked him to now lead on the unknown path, the fear that grew in him as we made our way down the path all alone, until the fear got too uncomfortable that he stopped, he backed up, and he turned around.
I had tried various attempts to move him forward, but all from my old thought patterns before. Here was my last attempt. I sat on Flash and I said “from my original path, all of these behaviors tell me this is unwillingness, stubbornness, and disobedience, but now all of these behaviors feel like anxiety, fear and overwhelm.”
I slid off of Flash and I focused on my breathing, and one step led to two steps on the new path with me leading Flash ahead. I let go of the old programming as I walked humbled next to him until we came to another log. I led him to the log and asked if I could climb on his back again. He stood quietly while I put my leg over him and sat on top facing the new path. Flash carried me with out stopping, backing or turning around.
Instead of each of us battling for control or getting trapped by fear, we worked in harmony with one another. We worked as one.
He simply needed courage and compassion when the fear felt insurmountable, which I am grateful to have found. He reciprocated compassion while I worked through my process to be courageous and try a new approach. Thank you, Universe, for helping Flash & I find each other. He is teaching me, everyday, to be a better communicator with horses and in life.
That is what we all need when the fear feels insurmountable. When we are looking at our invitations from the Universe, we need to dig deep to find courage and give ourselves endless compassion.
